We Celebrate to Remember

Twenty-five years. That's a long time.

We went to a beach not far from here, twenty-five years ago, on our honeymoon. We barely knew each other. We fussed and fought, but stayed very much in love. We've always been very in love, and chosen to love each other.
This time, we chose a simple little family motel. No fuss, no frills, no breakfast, no pool.

And although it was a bit like staying at an old family camp in the '70s with linoleum floors and archaic plumbing, I didn't have the constant stress of knowing I was paying-out-the-nose for a room. That stress-relief is worth something. Adam chose a nifty place 25 years ago, and he chose a nifty place this time too.

They have a lovely patio area to sit and use their wifi.

But my favorite part by far was going to the beach. From our motel, a dim, winding path meanders through a tunnel of arching live oak trees. Gnarled arms reach overhead. A spongy mass of decayed leaves pad the ground.

At the crest of the hill, the vista opens onto grassy dunes and a strong beach breeze.

This stretch of beach is unincorporated, so no parking lots, high-rises, crowds of bikinis, boardwalks or anything else marred our visit. (Our honeymoon beach was also a wildlife preserve, and was much the same.)

I went to the beach seven times in three days.

Looking north, only a few house roofs dot the dune line.

To the south, the first big hotel is a quarter mile away.

Braving the wind, I tried painting on the beach and loved it. I collected salt water in a large shell to dip my brushes in. Delightful! Well, it was difficult, actually. Rather like filling a communion cup from a waterfall. Rather like filling my impoverished soul at the fountain of Jesus's love.

This little card will go to a friend. I painted several, not all of them any good.

Adam knows the beach means a lot to me, so he chose this place. He's been thinking of me, loving me, sacrificing for me -- choosing me over himself -- for 25 years. Our three days are just another expression of us both knowing that.
We also ate some fun food, and again, we didn't break the bank to do it. With careful use of TripAdvisor, we avoided restaurants that take your money plus an appendage.
Here is a shrimp burger from El's Drive-In.

And the BEST hush puppies from Clam Diggers Inn Restaurant.

We enjoyed the Village Market in Emerald Isle twice -- healthy, delicious fare. Here's my chicken/veggie wrap.

And a thoroughly delicious peach/mango smoothie ~

At Flipperz, Adam ordered fried green beans as an appetizer. What a treat! Great idea -- onion ring batter, but so much easier to eat. New rule for everyone: Always Use Ranch Dip!

Flipperz also sells homemade fudge. We bought a block of this.

Adam ordered seafood bisque and we shared it.

Being happy together after this many years requires a conscience decision to do many things: 1) love, always love, 2) sacrifice for your spouse, and do it happily, 3) forgive when needed, 4) nourish your marriage -- feed it with affection, time, conversation, laughter, touch, expressions of thoughtfulness. The more you do this, the healthier your marriage will be.

We'll both look back on this celebration of marriage, which is in itself a looking back, as a stepping-off point for the next quarter century.

Get-Away

We're spending a little time away at the beach. I'll fill you in on more details later, but suffice it to say, I'm enjoying doing a lot of this:

Some shells are sunsets, some are arid desert-scapes. Some ridge up like mountains, some swirl grey as a night sky. I found another shell with a heart in it, for our anniversary.

A pair of angel wings ~

Gladys Taber is a soothing read, like visiting a good friend in her comfortable house.

This book was prepared by her daughter and published after her death.

Guess who decided he could tolerate the beach after all?

A 30-second blip of the sights and sounds of ocean here.

A Tricky Little Shawl

Did I tell you I finished my sage-green shawl at last? This is the one I made to match the one I knitted for my mother last Christmas. I liked hers so much, I wanted us to have matching shawls.

It has what we prayer shawl ladies call the "Wave Pattern."

I took my pair of pink socks along on the West Virginia trip, hoping to finish them. Not likely! I think I added about seven rows though. More importantly, I refreshed my brain on how the pattern works, after forgetting for many months.

On to this new shawl! A prayer shawl friend gave me this pattern. It's a triangular shawl, knitted in three sections. The pattern is a bit finicky and tricky, and before I made one for the prayer shawl ministry, I decided to make one for myself (or to sell), to practice the pattern. She uses Simply Soft yarn for this and recommends it. I had some Simply Soft lying around, so I used it also.

The pattern does NOT call for that alternate colored yoke. I did that myself, and did not like it. But I was afraid I didn't have enough of the dark blue yarn, and wanted to compensate with the complementary light blue somewhere. I ended up with plenty of dark blue (of course!), so it wasn't necessary. Ah well. Live and learn.

Even though I made the center panel the prescribed length, I felt it was short. Here's the pattern of the middle panel. I've been knitting long enough now that I like patterns with some difficulty in them. It keeps the brain awake while knitting.

The dark blue above; the light blue below. After finishing the shawl, I bought another skein of the light blue and started a rectangular shawl using that color, and part of the pattern design from the triangular shawl.

This is the pattern on the two "wings." I liked it a lot.

Julia models the shawl. It suits her. The back panel is attractive, and the light blue doesn't look bad.

There's a little smudge on the camera lens, but you get the idea.

I'll keep you posted on this pattern. I've started the second one -- the one for the prayer shawl group -- in a variegated Simply Soft color.

Conflict

(random google photo)

Bloggers write about their lives, the good and sometimes the bad. It's been a bad weekend, a weekend of ugly conflict. Thankfully, it's not in the home, and it's not in the church. That's a blessing.

I've belonged to many groups over the years -- musical groups of all stripes (some church music, some community groups), knitting groups, volunteer groups. I've worked in schools and churches, and know the struggle of workplace conflict. You'd think that once you stopped working, and were staying home peacefully, the petty, mean-spirited, nasty conflict that characterizes some groups of humans could be avoided.

I'm not gonna give details. I'm more interested in hashing out the dynamics of how people act. Say ... you have a group of people in a secular (not church) context. They are volunteers, and they all feel a certain ownership of the group, the common work and goals. But they're also sharply individuals, and the casual atmosphere of this organization makes good communication non-existent. In fact, it can only barely be called an organization because there's not much organizing going on, for many years. Like I said, it's casual, volunteer.

Somewhere along the line a few personalities butt heads, hurt feelings result, and under the veneer of good-will, animosity stews. People grumble; people pick sides. At some unfortunate point, the bubble bursts, the vitriol spits out, and everything hits the fan. People say unfortunate things, and worse, they make unfortunate assumptions.

Here's what I've noticed in the online communication that finally developed and exploded over the weekend. Someone reprimands those on the "other side" for being petty, junior-high-girlish, ridiculous, and recommends that everyone calm down and act respectfully. In the next sentence that person proceeds to slice-and-dice his opponents in as mean a spirit as he was just condemning. It's a vicious cycle of attack.

On top of that, people respond very differently to almost-public conflict like this. Some people handle it rather well, are invigorated by the debate and find it helpful. At the other extreme are those who find the flying emails highly stressful and offensive. You have a few of each type on each side of the debate! Also ... some people leap into the debate early on, say their piece, and bow out after a few lashings. Other people wait, wait, steam and wait, and later launch in with a long response to all the muck already thrown around.

It's really awful, isn't it? Have any of you ever been in such a situation? Here are my questions: 1) Did you participate or remain silently on the sidelines? 2) Did you opt to remain in the group or not? 3) Why or why not? 4) Do you feel that such online/email/forum exchanges are ever helpful in any way, or are they always, ALWAYS a bad idea?

I don't know the answer to those questions. Sometimes it's not easy to get out of such a group of hot-heads. Sometimes the hot-head is you, or me. I'm rumbling around various ideas in my head, about how to avoid the extreme stress such situations produce in me. My first instinct is QUIT. Perhaps that's a good instinct. But things are rarely cut-and-dried, and there are downsides to quitting as well.

Humans are a mystery to me. Over the years I've watched some people determine not to be contentious in this way. (It's hard.) Churches and ministries are destroyed by it. Marriages also. Parent/child relationships ruined. Jobs are lost. We all know this, and we train ourselves in self-control over the years, to avoid these disasters. But then, we find ourselves in a small group of seemingly-amiable neighbors, working with strangers doing something small, and the old monster rears its head. When a job, or family relationships, or spiritual connections aren't there to remind us to be careful, we revert to the nasty inclination that's in all of us -- Grump, Take Offense, Attack. Why? Why do rational heads not rule? Why do people refuse to listen to reasonable explanations? Why does everyone think he knows everything?

Got that off my chest! If you have input, please reply. I need all the encouragement I can get.

I'm a Slacker!

The days are ticking by, and I've failed to do a blog post. How about a few nice boat photos? Will that do? Over at Whittaker Creek Marina, this is Adam's favorite boat. She has such pretty lines, and she has a wooden hull, unusual these days.

 As you see, she's in terrible condition, but her curve and shape are still lovely.

 All old teak decking ~

 A rather Scandinavian name, I think ~

 We walked to the far end of the Whittaker dock and watched this sail boat come in on a gusty, wet day. She came all the way through the channel under sail -- good for her crew!

 Then I saw her name. I've shown her to you before.

 Abruptly, they turned her about and began taking down the mainsail.

 Then they motored her to her slip for the night.

 At the town dock on some days, all the shrimp trawlers are in, and they fill the harbor. I'm amazed the tiny sailboats aren't scared of them. They're huge.

 Often they tie them up three abreast, waiting for the hour when it's legal for shrimp boats to head to Pamlico Sound and drop their nets.

 More fun boat names from Whittaker ~ As I've said before, many men we meet here have a boat and an ex-wife.

 I like the sound of this one!

 Adam says this boat belongs to a marine.

 Across the channel at Sailcraft Marina, we found some fun names too. Tell me -- if they can spell 'pocket,' why can't they spell 'rocket'?

 Most sailors need plenty of this:

 See her name?

 She's a beauty.

 Sailcraft keeps a little (and I do mean little!) tugboat to help grounded boats. It's barely bigger than a jet ski or a dinghy! Big motors, though.

 Here's a lovely hull. The "Tern Again" -- a play on words, I think, referring to Turnagain Arm, a waterway in Alaska. She has a piratical aspect.

 She's on the hard, and we stood way up under her.

 Saving best for last, here's a pretty lady lashed to Oriental's town dock last week.

 All the way from New Zealand! I don't know that she actually sailed from New Zealand, of course. A boat owner may paint whatever name and town he likes on the hull. But it's fun to think of the world coming to us, here in little Oriental

I hope there's no mutiny aboard :)