Must Blog About Today

Because it's my birthday!

Well, and it was also my last day at the school. Kinda sad.

I didn't have much to do there, just tidy up the room, go through the textbooks, and finalize my grades. I went through the real emotional upheaval a few weeks ago, with the crying, etc. And then Philip's graduating helped to distract me from the real shock of leaving my precious students last week. Now I have the summer stretching out ahead of me -- a familiar and pleasant sensation to any teacher. But simultaneously I have my whole life stretching out in front of me as well, a huge unknown. That unsettling reality makes the lovely, stretching summer a little less delectable.

But, after Adam and I had finished our classrooms, he took me to eat lunch at a favorite Asian spot. And then, in walk 3 colleagues and sweet friends from school. Probably a good thing, because having them sit next to us kept us from whining about work for the whole meal!! And one of them also picked up our check, as a birthday blessing to me -- what a sweetheart! We DO have quite a number of very dear friends there, and I don't want to forget that, in the distress and pain of this departure. I hope we will visit sometimes and keep in touch.

In the afternoon, another friend from school came over to look at our house. We'd cleaned acceptably. They are looking to buy, but must sell theirs first. The usual domino effect. Oh well. I'm very much anticipating that our house will just have to go to the bank, as so many are these days, in such a slow market.

Adam went with Anna to buy my birthday present, and we all enjoyed it this evening -- the 'Ocean's Eleven' movie. If you like "intricate heist" movies, there's none better!

Today is a day of mixed emotions. We never planned to leave our school like this. Adam was stunned and saddened to be let go. I was sad as well, when it was clear that it made no sense for me to stay either. Today both of us were asked if we wanted to be on the substitute list for the school next fall. ?????? Where did that come from? Why would they not want Adam back next year at all, and then ask him to come back to sub? I'm mystified, truly. It is a confusing situation. But we will not be here in the fall, unless Adam miraculously gets a job in this area, so the question is pointless.

So, even though it's my birthday, and we've tried to celebrate, it's still a day I only want to get past, and forget. Some good-byes and departures are happy and exhilarating because a new, promising part of life is beginning. But not so today. Adam, more than I am, is daunted and discouraged about the uncertainty of the future, and the fact that we have to transplant ourselves yet again. And I can't seem to get past the feeling that it's all a mistake, a mishap that could have been prevented, but not by us.

Still, there are no mistakes with God. He can take human error and transform it into Divine planning. This is not the first time in life that I've felt suspiciously like a pawn on his chessboard.