And It's Christmas Eve

 Is it time for a catch-up? I haven't done a proper blog post in ages. Today is relaxing: the weather is balmy in that unusual Southern December way. The chickens will be happy about that!

Adam is in the kitchen, baking away. Christmas morning we will enjoy orange cinnamon rolls and coffee. Julia is working (coffee shop) this afternoon, but she's home tomorrow. It's utterly delightful to have her home! She's found a new-to-her vehicle, a job, and is hanging out (well-masked) with old friends.

Adam is feeling better at long last. He's aggressively tapering off prednisone after heavy doses for about 5 months. He needs a yearly infusion now to combat osteoporosis, a side-effect of prednisone. He remains on Cellcept, which turns off his immune system, but we cautiously hope that he may go into remission this spring, and be able to get off that too. He has sleep apnea also, and cataracts, and has gained a good bit of weight -- all results of this illness, Pemphigus Vulgaris.

I am enjoying Christmas! The tree is up and lit, which makes the house magical, especially late at night and in early morning. The Christmas village is settled on the dining room table this year. Its lights remain on 24 hours a day and make the house glow a little in the middle of the night. But the real joy is in having a child in the house, having Julia home. Without her, I think the holidays would feel rather gray.

We continue to have church services with a scattering of people and following all the guidelines against Covid. We had a small, lovely Lessons and Carols Service on Sunday night. Those small events -- carol singing, community events, buying a tree, a little shopping at stores -- they keep us all sane. It is difficult to balance mental health with physical health this year, but both are crucial. It takes ingenuity and self-denial to find a safe balance. 

We've watched A Child's Christmas in Wales and The Secret of Roan Inish, and a very old version of Miracle on 34th Street plus some other sappy Christmas movies. Yesterday Julia and I had a lovely few hours together painting! After Christmas we'll do a shopping day in town, grab a coffee, and eat lunch at the park overlooking the Neuse River.

And I am doing better. I cannot tell you how helpful (in a gradual and slowly relieving way) it was to find a good counselor/therapist this fall. She guided me in evaluating my anxiety sources, diagnosing depression, and finding creative ways to deal with both. I know now that the reason I stopped reading about a year ago ... was depression. Same with the inability to write. For that, I needed diagnosis, someone to tell me, "This is why you are no longer capable of doing so many things you used to love."

With anxiety, it was more about giving me control over all the various ones -- giving each one a name and a face, grabbing each one by the collar, and assigning it a place in the bubble around me as I walk through life. You don't get rid of things like that, I found. But you do decide how much control they exercise over your emotions. My anxieties were running amuck in my life and tying me up in ropes of panic.

This morning I opened a large historical novel by Elizabeth Goudge that I started sometime last year. I'd plowed through it until I simply couldn't anymore. I had no interest in that book, in any book. I started one after another. This morning I opened to page 416 and started again, and I'm loving it. Depression somehow robbed me of my ability to concentrate on a story, to put myself into it and love that place, those people. 

So ... if you struggle with either anxiety or depression (or both), please think about finding help. Don't be afraid to ask a friend for a recommendation. You may be surprised to find that many of your friends have needed that same help and found it.

And it's Christmas Eve! I am thankful, so thankful, for many answered prayers right now, in spite of the horrors of 2020 in our world. I grieve for the great sorrows out there, but I intend to light a bright candle of joy in my heart this Christmas and look to the Christ Child for my hope, now and for eternity.

Merry Christmas!