Mother-of-the-Bride Dress, or Being the World's Worst Shopper

I went shopping alone for a dress for Anna's wedding in June. I'm a terrible shopper, friends. I suffer with chronic indecision. (Choosing a dish at a restaurant is also a nightmare.) Adam declined to go to town with me when he discovered that I was intending ... to shop for a dress.
I went to the same shop where I found dresses for Philip's and Peter's weddings, a lovely consignment shop in New Bern, Twice As Nice. Two cheerful, helpful girls patiently aided me:

 Yes, I asked to take their picture and told them they would be on a blog post. They were sweet.

Now, the dresses in the order in which I tried them on. I am about a size 16. I have a large bust, plus a good bit of hip and tummy. My poor leg veins look like a NYC road map, so shorter skirts are out. Certain necklines are also ill-advised. 

too frilly,
looks like pajamas

too snug,
must not accentuate bust!

too big,
terrible shape

not too bad,
I dislike geometric patterns.

quite frumpy,
too large

best thus far,
the cut of the bust is wrong

the dress of a 3-part outfit,
not very fancy

same dress with its jacket,
looking rather drab

now it's the skirt and jacket
(as a blouse). better neckline

Everyone prefers this one.
Nice fit. Good fabric

 At this point I reclothed, posted some photos on facebook, and asked for friends' opinions. Most preferred the last one -- the blue/black geometric pattern with the short black jacket. I confess: it makes me look my best. But I dislike geometric patterns, and I don't like skirts that fall just below my knee. So all my inability to decide kicked in! Naturally, I thought I'd try on more dresses ...

The salesgirl found this dress.

We added a little jacket.
Still dislike geometry.

I returned to the 3 piece outfit.
The girls found a white shell.

Inexplicably, I return to the drab dress.
I now notice my hip bulges.

A salesgirl found a lovely, lacy shawl to lighten the look.

This last outfit looks better in person. The dress falls just above the ankle. I bought this one. In addition, I'll have the skirt and blouse if I want them. I'll find some comfy white sandals and a dangley silver necklace.
Before handing over my credit card, I texted Adam and asked his opinion. He knows me. He knows I won't like the geometric patterns or the shorter skirt. He knows I opt for hippie farm-wife clothing whenever possible, and little black jackets are just not me, no matter how much better they suit my body type. He recommended the long dress and the white lacy drape.
Then one of the salesgirls asked me two crucial questions:
"Which one of the dresses makes you feel pretty?"
and,
"Which one of the dresses makes you feel comfortable?"
I can't tell you why, but I won't ever feel pretty with geometric patterns across my tummy. And I'll never feel comfortable in a skirt that shows all my lower legs. I would have to wear pantyhose, probably support hose. In June. I hate all pantyhose passionately. With the long dress, I can get by with no pantyhose whatsoever, and no one will ever know!

Why do we choose to wear things that we know aren't the most attractive option? At some point in my life did I define myself in such a way that I'm now compelled to buy dresses that are less than flattering? There's nothing wrong with the longer dress. I just have ... preferences. And they affect my clothes shopping. But it takes me two hours, two salesgirls, a host of facebook friends, and a few texts with my husband, to figure it all out.

Tra la la!! One more item on the wedding check-list is ticked off! :)

Wearing Compression Pantyhose

I inherited my mother's bad veins. After a doctor visit, and a visit to a vein specialist, I returned for a Doppler ultrasound of both my legs. The results surprised me. I have severe reflux in both legs. That means that the valves in my veins aren't closing properly, and blood is going back down in my veins. Eventually this can cause swelling, although I don't have that yet. I don't have the ugly little spider veins; those wouldn't be worth addressing. I have bulgy varicose veins, and after being on my feet for an hour or two my legs ache and I have to sit down. That is SO "old lady"!!

But wearing compression hose is also quite "old lady." I feel like there's no hope for me to be young and 17 ever again!! Waaaaah!

Alright. I'm over THAT :)

I was prescribed compression hose, and I giggled and thought, "I'll never get those." But the reality is that if I don't wear the hose my legs will worsen until I need the light surgery to skinny up those vein valves, and afterward I'd have to wear the compression hose anyway! So I bit the bullet, bought the hose.

They don't look too bad.

These things are so sturdy. I've been wearing them about three weeks, and I've only put two runs in the left leg (grr), but they are up high and don't show. The compression is strongest around the ankle and gradually decreases as you go up the leg. I was afraid that the part around the body (the panty part) would be uncomfortably tight (remember the support hose of days gone by?). But no! That part is not compression, and it's comfortable to me all day long.

That's saying something from a woman who hasn't worn a pair of pantyhose in about 8 years because I loathe pantyhose.

I'm still accepting the fact that compression hose are probably my future for the next 30+ years. When I see ladies strolling in Oriental in their beachwear with their bare legs and flip-flops - ladies far beyond 30 or even 40, mind you -- I must realize that I no longer have that bare-legged freedom. Sigh. But I do have legs that feel very, very good when wearing the hose, and very good afterward too. I'm supposed to wear them morning to evening, never to bed. Mine are 20-30 mmHg. (mmHg means millimeters of mercury -- a measurement of pressure felt by the wearer.) They last for 6 months (supposedly). They cost me $135, although perhaps I could get them a little cheaper online. I try not to think how much that will cost me the rest of my life, total.

I recommend this if your legs and your physician require it of you. I'm hoping to avoid the swollen ankles, painful legs, limping, and general immobility that comes with age, if I don't care for my legs. If any of you have any comments or advice about compression hose, please contribute!

For Lisa: The Hippie Farm Mama Look

Lisa, from Pen and Ink, asked me to show the sparkly thrift store skirt. I'm calling this my hippie Bohemian look, or whatever adjectives you care to toss around. Casual, Feminine. Cotton. Cool. Drapey.

A close-up of some of the bling

On the same day, I bought this one, my favorite:

Both these first two skirts have an underneath panel that goes from the waist to mid-thigh, 

a kind of slip, so I don't have to put on my polyester slip. Yay!!

A while back I bough this one at the same store.

I wait until they have a sale where everything's $2.

This one I bought there also, over a year ago, in a slightly thinner stage, but it still fits.
You'll notice a red theme emerging here. Not sure why, but I don't wear red, and I don't own red shirts.

This one's not all cotton, but it fits the bill.

Adam says he prefers skirts that fall from the hips and are full.

He does not like pencil skirts.

Good thing, then, that it's been years since I resembled a pencil!
I was down to one stained red t-shirt, so today (during their $2 top sale) I went to the thrift store and picked up THREE tops! I'm utterly spoiled for ever again shopping at a regular store.
The only label I could find that would fit this post is "fashion," but I'm not quite sure about that one either ....

The Inexplicable Love of Fingernails

My college girl Anna has brought these things into our home.

They're the 21st Century's answer to Lee Press-On Nails. She let Julia pick out a pattern, and Anna did her nails.

She fits and cuts the nail paper (or whatever you call it) first.

Then, because we do not have a blow dryer in the house, she had to hold the jamberry in a pair of tweezers, close to a warm iron, so it would curl.

Then she applied it to Julia's nail, pressed it down, and below she is trimming them.

Here's the pattern Julia picked:

The really freaky thing is this: the Jamberry Party that Anna attended was held on Facebook -- yes, true! On Facebook! Virtual parties in which people play games, win prizes, and buy product. Then the nail patterns were delivered to our door.
Here's what I picked:

Yeah. I know. I'm 51 years old and I have fingernails that look like I'm in middle school. Sigh. But it was so much fun, and they really are kind of pretty. Plus -- they last for four weeks, supposedly. I'll keep you posted on that one.

I'm a Very Plain Fingernails kinda gal, so this is rather different for me. But the girlies loved doing it. Now if I could just get the paper edges to stop catching on my yarn while I knit!
Update: 48 hours later, and the Jamberries look just as good as when we put them on!

The Swimsuit Update:

Okay, ladies. After the recent post on clothing, I thought you might want to know what happened when I went swimsuit shopping.

First, I took along the husband and two kids, to ensure maximum frustration. (JK) We dropped the kids at Target, and Adam sat in the mall walking-track (you know what I mean) and chatted with two old geezers. He had a swell time.

I entered J.C. Penney. I knew I was in trouble when two sales clerks responded to my inquiry about swimsuits, "Well, if we have anything left, they're back there," and they waved a vague hand in the direction of the store back. Sure enough, they had 40 suits in size 12, mostly bikinis. I tried on a few, just for laughs. And I do mean that literally. You larger ladies know how it is: you squeeze into the stretchy-hotpink-teeny-weeny-cup and guffaw at yourself. Occasionally I just stand and stare at the mirror to fix the image in my mind. I remember that it's the swimsuit that is ridiculous, and not my body!

I left there, counting it as my daily exercise, and strolled down to TJ Maxx. I waved at Adam and the Geezers as I breezed into the store. I expected TJ Maxx to have exactly one swimsuit in my size, and it would be a garish floral display. But I was wrong! I tried on quite a few and finally had to limit myself to only two suits. I found two!! One was called a "miraclesuit," which I thought an apt name. The swimsuit fairies must have been sprinkling their fairy dust on me!!

The first suit I bought cost me $25. Yet another miracle -- its regular price is $99. You have to picture a black/white design instead of the floral pattern on the bust:

This suit is made by Longitude. It gives great support in the tummy, great coverage on the rear, and excellent support in the bust. The straps are nice and wide. Still it's lovely! It's elegant, and the waist is high, which seems to "lift" the suit. I really love it. Here's a link to another view of the suit.

And now for suit #2:

This is a photo of my suit in the right color and style. It's made by Miraclesuit. It also gives good bust support for a v-neck, and I like the small sarong on the front. I do prefer coverage on the upper thighs, and in the past decade have generally bought suits with skirts or shorts, instead of a traditional one-piece that (let's be honest) is cut like a pair of underwear. Sigh. I also loathe shaving my entire leg, and since I only shave way up in the nether regions for wearing a bathing suit ... why not buy a suit with coverage up there, and then I'll never have to shave there at all? Right?

I still prefer that, but being in a water aerobics class this summer has made me admit that a snug, simple one-piece is useful when you're thrashing around in the water with 15 other aging women. Nobody cares if you've shaved. But if you have a skirt or (heaven forbid) a massive pair of swim shorts with a liner floating around you, it's challenging to work out. I have little black lycra skirts I can wear over the one-pieces, if need be. So it's all good.

Oh, suit #2 cost me $35. Regular price: $120. Thank you, TJ Maxx!! As a thrift store shopper, I dislike paying even that much, but some items cannot be found in thrift stores in a timely manner. A bathing-suit-that-works-with-THIS-body is one of them. And now I have suits for about the next six years, so I consider that a good investment, especially since I live on the coast.

That's it, ladies! I hope you're encouraged! I hope you didn't expect to see photos of ME in a suit, because that ain't happening. But I'm about a size 18 or 20, with an hour-glass figure, if that tells you anything, and these suits are made for my body type, not for a skinny 14 year old. The suits are out there, even in mid-July. Go shop!

Hidden Art: Chapter Twelve

Clothing

What a strange topic for a "hidden art" chapter! I'm embarrassed to say my first thought was, "What's artistic about clothes?" Of course, that's silly. It's just that fashion is not my forte. I've struggled with this in the past few years. Are only shallow women interested in fashion? Isn't it a waste of time and money to focus on something so changeable, so futile, so ... worldly?

It's a case of "what I'm not interested in, is easy to criticize." Some fellow bloggy ladies have helped me to realize that I should take more interest in what I wear, dedicate at least a dozen brain cells to looking attractive, and not always buy things a size or two too big. Honestly, I have trouble yanking myself away from shopping at the local thrift store. After a few years of that, I find it nearly impossible to pay more than $2 for anything. Sheesh!

Two points from this chapter hit me:

#1 -- God compares how He clothes us, to wildflowers in a field. Remember that passage? So, our clothing should be beautiful. Colorful. Extremely varied. It should smell delightful. It should have lovely texture. It's the emphasis on color and variety that got me -- you mean I need to expand beyond my wardrobe of black, gray, and a splash of white? I need to realize that variety is intrinsic to beauty?

#2 -- Dress appropriately for where God has planted you for ministry. For us, it's a very casual coastal town. The first time Adam met his church elder to go visiting people, the elder looked at Adam's khaki pants and said, "Pastor, you're over-dressed." In Pamlico County (and particularly Oriental) shorts are the name-of-the-game. I no longer own a dress. I rarely wear my skirts. Casual attire is what helps you "fit in." As a pastor's wife, I have a fine line to walk. Do I wear tank tops? Yes, but they have to be modest. Lots of ladies here wear the tiny-strap tanks without bras. Mini-shorts. Mini-skirts. It's for me to decide where "fitting in" must bow to a sense of modesty.

And then there's the two ever-looming obstacles to my clothing situation:  Money and Size. I don't have the funds to do much shopping. (Which is nice, because I don't much like shopping.) But the dislike of shopping is probably related to the fact that I'm large, and (for those who don't know this) shopping is depressing for large women. It just is. It seems that variety is celebrated ... as long as it's a size 14 and under.

Tonight I'm going to town to shop for a mid-summer, on-sale bathing suit. Bathing suit shopping is something I attempt each year. Successful bathing suit shopping (in which a suit is actually purchased) occurs only once every few years. This must be the year because my suits are worn out and I'm down to the Last One. I'm doing water aerobics three times weekly, and it's only a matter of time before the elastic in this last suit cries "UNCLE!!!" When I lived in the mountains, I really didn't need a bathing suit. Now that I'm on the coast, with beaches and pools and friends who want me to swim ... having a couple of good swim suits is also part of fitting in.

A few of the suits at JC Penney online that caught my eye --

Clothing! Will we be shed of it on the New Earth? Is clothing only a by-product of Adam's and Eve's sin? Is it merely utilitarian? If clothing is also beautiful, creative, lovely, appealing ... then I think we'll dress ourselves on the New Earth, if only because we enjoy it.

(Other posts on this chapter can be found at Cindy's Ordo Amoris blog.)

Me and Fashion? Ha!

Jo-Lynne did a great fashion post today. I usually ignore her fashion posts because I'm not, um, a fashion person. Eventually her links led me to Kelly's blog, and her "What I Wore Wednesday" posts. I looked at every single post. Because I need lots of help. (I confess to lifting 3 photos straight from her blog, to use here. I hope that's okay. If not, I'm happy to delete them.) I picked Kelly because she's larger, like me, and she's not 22 anymore. Like me. Here's what I've decided about fashion for me:
1. There are blue jeans out there to fit my body. I know this because I have now seen other larger women wearing them. I just need to go find them.
2. Do Not Wear anything but solid colors from the waist down.
3. Shirts: try to achieve the 2-colored layering around the hips. It looks good.

Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Utter cuteness.

4. I still don't like boots.
5. But ballet flats are still in, big time. I do not own a single pair. Sigh.
6. Three-quarter length sleeves are wonderful.
7. Fly-away cardigans are even more wonderful. I want twenty of them.
8. Really, long, drapey cardigans of all types look great on women my size. Not baggy, just enough to give a good vertical line down the front.
9. Rolled-up pants are in fashion but I loathe that look.
10. A long line of black (tank/shirt and slacks) paired with a bright, cropped jacket, looks really good.

Doesn't this look GREAT on her? I love this look. And it's yellow!

11. Cover the arm above the elbow if you can. Just do it.
12. I will continue to avoid horizontal stripes at all costs, and cargo pants with side pockets.
13. The lower the neckline (while still being modest) for us big-chested women, the better. V's and scoops.
14. All the cute clothes seem to come from TJ Maxx or Target. These stores are where the blue jeans are hiding, along with J.C. Penney.
15. Avoid empire waists.  Avoid cleavage. Avoid 2-colored layering at the chest. Basically avoid anything that accentuates the chest at all. It doesn't need any help.
16. Even though I'm fat, I still look better with a waist.

If you want to see a kazillion blogger ladies, all linking up at one spot to show what they're wearing each Wednesday, go over to The Pleated Poppy. Oh my goodness, I'm so glad I only checked out the fat ladies, because otherwise I would have been clicking over to blogs All Day Long. It was worth it just to find Kelly Rowe's blog and her WIWW posts. She's a huge help.
I'll end with this photo, which I also lifted from Kelly's blog.

She went to an event at a local home store, and this photo was taken of the employees involved in the event. Look at the ladies. I see only one that would even qualify as lean at all. The rest are round like me. We're a nation of fat ladies. But if you look over at "The Pleated Poppy" and all their fashion linkies, you'd think we were all 28 and skinny. Most fat ladies don't do fashion posts. Most fat ladies avoid being in photographs. If they are in photos, they try hard to stand behind other people. If everybody's fat, there's usually a fight for the back row - haha!

So, if you're fat like me, take heart. There's fashion for you, and Kelly can help show you what it looks like. I'm subscribed to her blog now. And after I get my Visa bill paid off, and pay for the crown I had done at the dentist's office, I'm heading to TJMaxx and Target for a terrifying day of trying on blue jeans. I might even take along my camera so you can enjoy the pain too.

(When applying labels to this post, I had to create a "fashion" label. I guess I've never, ever posted about clothing before!)