In the past few years I've not felt quite well. I've always been a robust, healthy woman, and being ill is hard for me. It started with occasional abdominal pain, then regular pain, then occasional back pain, gradually increasing to daily back pain/discomfort. So frustrating! I'm a "doer," and lying on the couch on a heating pad, day after day and month after month, is not my style.
I followed my doctor's advice for various tests and specialists. Then I changed doctors and received some corticosteroid shots in my back. I still have hope to regain some health and energy. But inside me is a little voice that says, "Perhaps this is it, and it's downhill from here?" Ugh.
Today I added a smoothie to my usual breakfast because I wanted something cool and fruity. But then I felt awful all morning in my tummy, and I wonder if I should avoid dairy. My back also began to ache and burn a bit, so I put my little battery-powered tens unit between my shoulder blades for a couple of hours.
I managed to do some clearing out in the kitchen, which was encouraging, and I spent some time in my studio painting a little, and spinning a very little. Then it was time to lie on the couch. Two Advil helped.
I don't talk about poor health often, but I thought it might be a good reminder to me, in years to come, to recall where I am at this point. At 61, it seems too early to be this impaired. I miss spending the mornings outside hauling and burning tree limbs, or sitting in my studio for hours carding, spinning, or sewing. I just can't do it anymore.
I've tried managing my energy in the last couple of years, working in my studio in the mornings and resting on the couch in the afternoons. That sounds luxurious, but it's not! It's frustrating! I struggle to get a small meal on the table during the school year when Adam is teaching and can't cook.
The next thing to go will be my farmers market duties. I sometimes feel I'm ready to do that, but then what would I do with all the things I make in the studio? Do I stop making things? Then what will I do with my time? I need to ponder carefully how to manage my health, my energy, and my goals in the next decade.