Life is so painful sometimes. There are a handful of days in one's life that are truly horrific. The sky falls, life turns dark, the pit of one's stomach gnarls into a knot, and the pain doesn't end. The day is a crisis, a disaster.
Today was a day like that for me.
Yes, we lost the job opportunity in Mississippi. We're incredibly sad about that. The ministry there is a wonderful place, and we would have (I think) done wonderful work for them and for God's kingdom. We are crushed, disappointed, so sad.
But of course, that's not enough to put that knot in my stomach that keeps me from eating, that keeps me from sleeping, that makes me feel sick. It's the utter, evil meanness of some people out there, who think they are righteous to destroy other people's lives. Do any of you know that there really are people like that? I wish I were shocked to say there are, but I'm not.
There are those who hurt others, and those who are the repeated recipients of the hurt. If you are neither, please, please be thankful.
I do not understand why God decided, long ago, that our lives would be hard, but He did. Adam says God has given us so many trials so that others can see how we handle them, and glorify God. That is true. The pain is hard to bear. It's particularly horrible to watch it impact our children, and perhaps that's what's tearing at me this time.
I don't want to say more. But I know some of you have been following our hopes and disappointments, regarding employment. Right now, I just want to move to my parents' house, and crawl into a hole, and pull a rock over it. Later, when I've recovered, I'll crawl back out. Hopefully, it won't be long. But if I'm off-blog for a bit, you'll know I'm just recovering. Trying to help my kids back on their feet. Trying to be sure my husband is okay. I'll be back when it doesn't hurt quite so bad as it does today.
8 comments:
Praying for you, MK. Nothing else to say, but praying for peace, wisdom, and for you to feel the love of God completely and wholly. Praying for friends and family to come alongside you and lift you up. Hang on to Jesus!
Watching you guys suffer well through far more difficult things than we've been through has caused us to glorify God. Your experience with the red light from the missions agency and your comments and reflections on it were a source of comfort to me through a very difficult time recently. I'm sorry you guys keep getting hit like this. I don't understand either why, with your gifts and perspectives, you have not been given a place to minister vocationally, and grieve for it. We're praying for you.
In Christ,
Currie
Thank you, Jill. The comforting words of friends is a huge help.
Currie, thank you so much. That is a comfort to me. If nothing else, it is wonderful to know that the sorrows we endure are helpful to others as they walk this road too. That's supposed to be one of the many purposes of trials, and it's comforting to me to know that at least that part of it, is working correctly :) Many thanks for your prayers.
Now that I have kids of my own, I can understand a little bit the pain you feel; as they suffer. Praying for God's strength and clarity of mind for you. I was just talking to my mom about how often we forget to think about heaven (as we get caught up in daily cares and concerns). I'm hoping that through this very hard time that you find hope in what is to come!
Mary Katherine,
we'll be here waiting for you, Adam and the kids with arms open, hearts full of love and smiles because of the blessing it will be for us to have you back "home" with us again.
It will be another adventure for us all to share.
Wayne, Lynn and Mr. B
Love, prayers, hugs & aching for you! Post us a snail mail address for your folks please. Or email it to me.
Dearest one, we have been anticipating with you the results of this interview and are devastated. You are so greatly loved and highly regarded here that we can't comprehend this action. Your children are your greatest success and your friends are your living testimony to your faithfulness and loyalty. We will be talking and listening to our "Abba" on your behalf. Love,
Dear M.K., I will keep praying for you.
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