I study that list now, years later. In five marriages, it seemed the husbands had gone crazy and left for no good reason. And in three of them, it seemed the wives had done the same. In one marriage I lacked enough information to be sure. I remember feeling my world, my own marriage, was shaken to the core when all these people I'd known and loved were breaking apart and breaking each other.
Just now a friend on Facebook shared this quote from a movie:
"Why is it, do you think, that people get married? Because we need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage you're promising to care about everything - the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things - all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying, 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.'"
The horrifying thing in divorces, to me, is to watch one human say to another human: "I once promised to care for you as no one else on the planet would care for you. I renege on that promise. I don't care what happens to you anymore. I want to cut you out of my life."
Are there crueler words to say?
This morning I re-examined that list of nine couples. One husband and one wife who were abandoned by their spouses, are now dead. Two other wives, likewise cruelly abandoned, are remarried, as is one husband. Three wives and one husband remain single. Of that last man, I will say this: I knew him a little 25 years ago. His wife was only a Facebook acquaintance. I watched their marriage implode there, online. She was angry, bitter, took the kids. As I watched it all, I'm sorry to say I assumed that she was so angry and bitter because he must've done something awful -- probably had an affair. Years later I found out the truth: she just left him. He didn't do anything wrong. Perhaps he was difficult to live with? Did he say the wrong things or not say the right things? Did he neglect to do what she wanted? How many years did it take her to act on her lack of love? To manipulate her departure? But in spite of his innocence in the situation, he lost everything: wife, children, home, job. Everything. And people looking on (like me) make such assumptions!
Cherish your spouse. Cherish your marriage. If bitterness or distance encroach, address it in yourself. If love starts to fail, intervene. We should tell ourselves that we love each other, because we grow to believe what we tell ourselves. And I pray that all of you have spouses that will do that as well. It takes two to make a marriage. It only takes one to destroy it.
"For I hate divorce," says the Lord.
"So take heed to your spirit,
that you do not deal treacherously."
Malachi 2:16
7 comments:
This is so true and everyone, everywhere, should read it. No marriage is immune from divorce.
Very sad. I'm sorry for the pain your family is going through. It's so difficult to watch our siblings struggle.
Yes, so true. My dear son, Josh, is back with me. He's done nothing wrong and his wife has the excuse of mental illness to justify her clueless behavior. But the children will bear the brunt of it. I don't think she'll keep him from the kids. In fact she calls him several times a day just to visit. She's so confused, and she listens to a misguided therapist instead of the one who vows to love her forever. All we can do is pray and give them what help we can. I remind Josh that his wife is God's little girl, and God is going through the sadness with Him. She's loved God all her life, but she's taken the mental illness labels to heart and has just given in to it instead of fighting it. Josh will continue to fight for her in the physical and spiritual realms.
Very thought-provoking. Life is hard, but it is harder on your own.
MK, your post sad but true. As a victim of the infidelity of my first husband I am well aware of the toll it takes on the children when the marriage vows are broken. I stayed with him until the youngest was 18 and then filed for divorce. Happily in my second marriage with a wonderful husband who is every bit my champion and best friend. I am truly blessed. I pray your brother finds peace in his situation and a new path to walk full of blessings.
We too are living through this with a family member. Our hearts break with yours.
Post a Comment