In the past few years I've not felt quite well. I've always been a robust, healthy woman, and being ill is hard for me. It started with occasional abdominal pain, then regular pain, then occasional back pain, gradually increasing to daily back pain/discomfort. So frustrating! I'm a "doer," and lying on the couch on a heating pad, day after day and month after month, is not my style.
I followed my doctor's advice for various tests and specialists. Then I changed doctors and received some corticosteroid shots in my back. I still have hope to regain some health and energy. But inside me is a little voice that says, "Perhaps this is it, and it's downhill from here?" Ugh.
Today I added a smoothie to my usual breakfast because I wanted something cool and fruity. But then I felt awful all morning in my tummy, and I wonder if I should avoid dairy. My back also began to ache and burn a bit, so I put my little battery-powered tens unit between my shoulder blades for a couple of hours.
I managed to do some clearing out in the kitchen, which was encouraging, and I spent some time in my studio painting a little, and spinning a very little. Then it was time to lie on the couch. Two Advil helped.
I don't talk about poor health often, but I thought it might be a good reminder to me, in years to come, to recall where I am at this point. At 61, it seems too early to be this impaired. I miss spending the mornings outside hauling and burning tree limbs, or sitting in my studio for hours carding, spinning, or sewing. I just can't do it anymore.
I've tried managing my energy in the last couple of years, working in my studio in the mornings and resting on the couch in the afternoons. That sounds luxurious, but it's not! It's frustrating! I struggle to get a small meal on the table during the school year when Adam is teaching and can't cook.
The next thing to go will be my farmers market duties. I sometimes feel I'm ready to do that, but then what would I do with all the things I make in the studio? Do I stop making things? Then what will I do with my time? I need to ponder carefully how to manage my health, my energy, and my goals in the next decade.
4 comments:
Oh, MK, I know how you feel. It is scary, this loss of mobility, and the ability to do the things you love. I struggle with it every time it happens that pain interferes with my hopes and plans, and responsibilities too.
I know you weren't asking for health advice, but have you seen a physical therapist? I have found over the last many years that they are the ones who help the most, in assessing the whole person and facilitating the patient's being as active as possible, with as little pain as possible. Usually the exercises and stretches they give me are very effective (if I do them!).
And with my lifelong back issues, most caregivers have warned me about using heat, because it increases inflammation. You might try a nice ice pack, which I know you would appreciate right now in the middle of summer!
May God comfort and heal you, Dear.
It sounds like the pain and the enforced inactivity is really getting you down. You don't mention whether you've had any tests to find the cause of your poor health. I agree that 61 is too young to stop doing the things you want to do ( not that any age is a good one for that). I hope some answers will be found so you can resume living and enjoying life again.
I always appreciate honesty when folks don't feel well. Too much pretending going on, and there's no shame in illness. Chronic things are the worst...mine seems to be a severe fatigue issue...and so sorry yours is pain. That has to be hard. Praying you find some long-term relief.
Hey MK. I always enjoy your comments. I thought about you this morning. I was reading chapter 13 in Corinthians and read "through a glass darkly". I like that chapter. Anyhow, I can certainly relate to your post. The fact that I can't do as much or get around as easily as I did a few years ago, gets me down. Of course, I am twenty years older than you. I have dealt with back pain from three herniated disks and arthritis for a few years. Recently though, the lower right side of my back hurts. An unusual pain that scares me. Guess I will call tomorrow and make an appointment with my doctor. My back doctor prescribed a back brace that I wear every morning that has worked wonders for the disks. I hope you can find help for your aches and pains. Like me, you have so much you love to do outside. You have a farm!! :) Love, Henny
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