Wednesday, February 16, 2022

And What Exactly Am I Doing Now?

 You ladies out there of a particular age -- you know who you are -- old enough to be over half-way done, but young enough not to throw in the towel yet .... 

Do you struggle with what to do with yourself? Not exactly who you are, but what you are? I used to be a teacher. I used to be a mother. I used to be a secretary. I used to be a writer. I used to be a gardener. I do believe in allowing myself to move on from some roles to new roles, not coercing myself to being everything forever.

But still. Sometimes I look at myself and at my life and I wonder, "What in the world am I doing?" As my mother would say, I'm piddling. Dilly-dallying. Mucking about and wasting time. When I was a younger woman I seemed to have a tighter vision, more direction, a more organized mind.

I'm not even sure what I'm talking about here, which is a perfect demonstration of what I'm trying to say. I'm going to stop and insert some photographs to help this blog post.








I am still spinning, weaving, painting, and making youtube videos. But the spinning/weaving/painting form the content of the videos, and honestly, I haven't a clue what to DO with the things that I spin, weave, and paint. I discovered yesterday that the local farmers market I've been part of for a decade, is likely dying. Where will I sell the things I make? Do I set up an independent online store? Will my youtube viewers buy my stuff? Ugh. I don't like marketing.

Oh, dear. Now I'm whining. Let's change the subject! 

The first daffodil. She's a harbinger of active days outside. One project that I can really get my teeth into, is working on this property, as much as I'm able. I sometimes contemplate how much I could possibly do. I can learn to use the riding mower. Could I start to tear down the barn? Could I learn to use some tools? Could I take down the garden fencing ... hmm. Don't know. How hard is it to manage a heavy, gas-powered weedeater? Will this be my new exercise program?!

At pushing-60, am I supposed to be slowing down, or speeding up? I've heard rumor that one's 60s are the most productive decade of life. I'm cogitizing how that might look for me. I feel like I would need to organize both my body and my brain, and all my habits, to become more productive than I've been before. Instead, I feel as if I'm mentally slipping down, like a weary bather into a steam pool in a Japanese bath. 

If any of you have any input into these feelings, please do share. I need all the help I can get.

9 comments:

Kimberley Wardell said...

Sweet MK...re-read Hinds Feet on High Places. Hannah Hunnard captures the call to just follow the Shepherd so beautifully. Sometimes the trails is filled with active climbing, sometimes it is filled with mist and you can see no more than the step ahead of you. Just walk with Him thru each season. He will make your calling clear when He is ready. I wonder sometimes if Jesus didnt ask the same question of His Father for His first 30 years.....maybe He felt like he was piddling time away, too! You have such gifts and talents. You certainly could open an ETSY store for selling your work. I am inspired by your eagerness to capture the beauty all around you and to celebrate the joy of being who He made you to be. Love you, girl! Kimber

Sandi said...

I know what you mean.

Retired Knitter said...

Ahhh... a post that captures EXACTLY what I am feeling now. In fact I blogged similarly about my own feelings about FINALLY being retired at the point of pushing 75 (oh how I wish I was pushing 60!). My blog post chatted away about retiring officially - in the eyes of the world - at 59, but never until this January did I really feeling like I was retired - and I couldn’t help wondering if I did myself up. Oh well. We all have these times where we pause and say “Now what.” And although I feel like I have been enjoying all my hobbies, this week I have pretty much done nothing but sit and look out the window. hahaha! Let your body do what it needs to do.

Granny Marigold said...

I'm not sure how to respond to your post because I don't think I've felt what you're feeling. I do know that I have to have a definite plan for each day. I've tried having days with no plan and it doesn't work for me. I set myself goals and try very hard to meet them. I know we're all different and we each have to find what works for us. Good luck

Pom Pom said...

I think that the 60's could be the sweetest spiritually. I don't think they are the most productive physically, at least not for me so far.
I think that sitting with the Lord, submitting to Him, getting to know who He really is, is the best use of our time.

Henny Penny said...

Oh MK! To be 60 again. Those were some of my best days...retired, but still young enough to work like a dog building a yard out here in the woods. I've loved every inch of our five little acres. It all went by too fast though. I can tell you that you will settle into the age you are and feel content again. When I read what you write I feel like you have it all under control. Oh, you can do it all. And with all your other talents, you can write! I love to read your posts...and how about your cute little books? And, you have a big old farm. My dream was to own an old farm with a barn. Oh, I know how you feel about, what to do with what you make. I have all these pretty sunbonnets and aprons made and don't know where to sell them. I don't much think I would like an Etsy shop. So my sewing room is decorated with my work. Okay, I will hush now. :) Take care. Love Henny

Henny Penny said...

Meant to say, your pictures are simply beautiful.

annie said...

I can relate to this, but I fell over the 60s fence a few bumps back. I worked better before I shredded my knee. I wish I could work outdoors better now. I miss that, and simple things are a real pain. Now! You can handle a riding mower as long as it has electric ignition. You could tie on a chain or three and pull down the old barn one wall at a time. Trickey & Bo Bo can act like supervisors and boss you around the farm work. And Leo the car can watch from the window. I cant remember the other dogs name at the moment but that wont stop her or him from joining in. :).
Only teasing of course, yes use the riding mower but stay away from weed wackers. They hurt your back & shoulders. Adam is right to try & clean out the excess areas so he can mow and not have to weed eat so much. I'd rather mow anyday than weedeat.
You might consider an Etsyshop. I have looked at many but rarely purchased from them. If the farmers market is sinking perhaps another near by one? Or maybe a simple table set up somewhere on a regular basis for your regular cluents.
I'd love it if you would let me snail mail you a money order for 6 ( or 8) of those bug bars to keep away the insects. I will never get them made even though you.kindly shared how you did it,and I am serious if you're interested in this type of transaction.
I enjoy all your videos.
Seek and you will find isn't that how it goes? You will find a way to make a new avenue work I am sure.

Kezzie said...

I worry sometimes that I am wasting my time but then I am so busy at work that I struggle to do much, other than rehearsals. You are a musician too- and your art is wonderful but that's sad about the market! Not sure what to say but I hope God leads you where he wants you to be and where you would like to be!x