December Fifth

Wait for the Lord.

None of those who wait for Thee will be ashamed.

For Thee I wait all the day.

My times are in Thy hand.

Those who wait for the Lord will inherit the land.

The humble will inherit the land.

I waited patiently on the Lord.

Oh Lord, Thou knowest.

from David's psalms

In the French parenting book I'm reading, Bringing up Bebe, one key principle discussed is the importance of making babies wait. Just a little -- not hours, but a few minutes. Repeated waiting produces frustration at first, but later produces self-control in a child, and after that makes for a happy child. The French believe an indulged child who gets what he wants when he wants it, is very unhappy. Here are some interesting quotes:

"French parents don't worry that they're going to damage their kids by frustrating them. To the contrary, they think their kids will be damaged if they can't cope with frustration. They also treat coping with frustration as a core life skill. Their kids simply have to learn it. The parents would be remiss if they didn't teach it." (73)

"According to this view, when we rush to feed [our baby] whenever she whimpers, we're treating her like an addict. Whereas expecting her to have patience would be a way of respecting her." (74)

French parents don't let their children "cry it out," but they do make them wait a few minutes, maybe 5, before responding, all while carefully watching, studying, and being sensitive to the child.

"It's thanks to these little frustrations that his parents impose on him day after day, along with their love, that lets him withstand, and allows him to renounce, between ages two and four, his all-powerfulness, in order to humanize him. This renunciation is not always loud, but it's an obligatory passage." (74)

"... Kids often get very angry at their parents when parents block them. She says English-speaking parents often interpret this anger as a sign that the parents are doing something wrong. But she warns that parents shouldn't mistake angering a child for bad parenting. To the contrary, 'If the parent can't stand the fact of being hated, then he won't frustrate the child, and then the child will be in a situation where he will be the object of his own tyranny ....'" (74)

"... the consensus in France: making kids face up to limitations and deal with frustrations turns them into happier, more resilient people. And one of the main ways to gently induce frustration, on a daily basis, is to make children wait a bit. They treat waiting as ... a cornerstone of raising kids." (75)

If waiting is important to character and happiness, it's no wonder that God makes us wait, that He incorporates waiting into our redemption story, that He parents us this way. Advent is waiting. Waiting produces humility, when one is forced to see oneself in correct relation to God. 

All of life is Advent, isn't it, as we wait longingly for the land of our inheritance? 

So be patient, beloved, until the Lord returns.

Watch how the farmer patiently waits for

the precious fruit from the earth,

after both the early and late rains.

James 5:7