Thursday, August 27, 2020

I've Been Living the Christian Life the Wrong Way

 How hard is it to turn lemons into lemonade, as they say?

How hard is it to come out of the deep places of suffering, into hope and joy?

Really hard.

A friend recommended three videos from Paul Miller, whom I'd never heard of. He understands the pattern of the Christian's life in a way I'd never seen described before. He calls it the "J-Curve." In the first video, he describes the suffering he and his wife experienced, and how he learned to love her:


The next two videos were chapel messages given at Covenant College, my alma mater. I cried as I watched this next video. I've always struggled with this Bible verse: "That I may know Jesus, and the power of His resurrection, and join in the fellowship of His suffering, and be conformed to His death." I didn't understand how my suffering could mystically be joined with His suffering -- how did that work? But I felt certain that if I didn't understand how to do that, my own repeated sufferings in life were not going to have the effect God wanted them to -- that I would be left swirling in a repeated whirlwind of suffering and not understanding why.


Paul Miller seems like a humble man. Rather, he is a humbled man, who has lived this pattern of mini-deaths and recovering redemptions (or resurrections -- whatever you want to call the upward swing). He can tell me how to do it, because I want that. I have been pummeled by recurring suffering too often in life, and this last round in the boxing ring with Mr. Suffering during Adam's illness has nearly done me in.

This third video is excellent. He digs a bit more into how many Christians have zero understanding about the gift of suffering, so they live in the opposite, horrible pattern: the Failure/Boasting chart. If you've suffered, and also been beat up by the church when you are down in the pit of it, this video is for you. If you feel church leadership is more of a power structure, with hardly any compassion for the downhearted, this video is for you. 


My old self is wondering if I will have success implementing his message -- that would be thinking in the Failure/Boasting model. It's not about "success." I think it's more about prayer. As he says, the moment when you are weeping and begging God for help, pleading Him to hear and intervene in your deep suffering, that is the moment when you are in the Garden with Jesus, and understand a little piece of His suffering. I need more of that kind of prayer. I want to receive my past sufferings as gifts from God rather than painful history to be rehearsed and hated. I hope these messages are as encouraging to you as they've been to me. Much love, dear friends.

4 comments:

gretchenjoanna said...

Dear Mary Kathryn! For some reason your post reminded me immediately of this quote:

"When sorrow comes to us, we must await consolations, but after the consolation, we must again await sorrows." -St. Hilarion of Optina

It does seem that sorrow and suffering are the more constant thing in life for most people who have lived. We moderns, and modern Americans the most maybe, have such an orientation toward improving our lives and being successful, how can we truly identify with Christ in His humanity and know in our innermost being the Christ who is described in Is. 52-53, the Man of suffering, familiar with pain...

Because death is still working in the world, it seems that it must be that Christ who showed solidarity with us, Who is the one needed, the one whose hands and feet and tears we need to be. I like this especially that you wrote: "...the moment when you are weeping and begging God for help, pleading Him to hear and intervene in your deep suffering, that is the moment when you are in the Garden with Jesus, and understand a little piece of His suffering."

Thank you for sharing. Much love back to you. <3


Angela said...

Thank you so much for sharing those videos. Very interesting and very deep. A lot to wrap my mind around!

Granny Marigold said...

I'm sorry things have been so bleak. I hope you find a way to come to the hope and joy you need.
I've watched the first video and will watch the other two in a few minutes. I'm not sure I understand what Paul Miller is talking about. Maybe after I watch the next ones I'll know a little more.

Hannah M. said...

Have you read "A Praying Life"? I assume you may have come across it as you have learned about Paul Miller. I highly recommend it, particularly as a nice pandemic read to soak in and think about over a long period of time.