I had one of these this morning. Driving alone in the car is a good time to talk with God. And right now, we have a lot to talk about.
The deafening silence of NO NEWS on the job front for Adam, is worrying. We both plod from day to day at school, aware that our days there are very numbered. And then the summer stretches ahead, uncertain. How long do we stay here? When do we put the house up for sale? When should we start packing? And where should we go? These are questions that swirl around in my mind ceaselessly.
I did decide a while back to inform my boss at the school that I would not be returning next year to teach. This may come as a shock to some of you -- why would ANYONE give up a perfectly good (well, that's debatable) job right now!? There were many contributing factors that played into the decision. But in the final assessment, one teaching job at our school could in NO WAY provide for our family, and would only tend to tie us down to a location where Adam has little hope of finding work. But the larger consideration is Adam's call to be a pastor. It is a strong call, a persistent call, and one that he does not want to ignore. He wants to pursue this calling doggedly and see what the Lord does. And that means (as has always been true) that Adam's work and ministry is more important that any career I might pursue. My calling in life is to assist and help him, period. And I'm not helping his calling to a pastorate by slogging it out in a grueling job next year, while he puts his call on hold.
Which is what I talked with God about this morning. After all, the call is God's. He's the one doing the calling -- "Hey Adam! Come and pastor my sheep!" The call on Adam has been so plain: it's within him, it's demonstrated in his service in the church, in preaching and visitation and teaching, it's verified by many Christians around us who clearly see his calling to be a pastor.
So I told the Lord, "You've called the man. Be honest - be a truthful God - finish what you've started! If you don't validate this call, then you will look like a liar, and that You cannot be."
And I took a deep breath and wondered if I'd overstepped my bounds a bit. Except that many of God's dearly-loved saints in Scripture have said similar things to him.
And I think it is more than an honest, blunt statement; I think it's a true one. If God isn't true, and truthful, then he isn't God. He must, by definition, defend his character, and I believe he will. We've always known that he will do this in his own time, and in his own way. His definition of the call that is eventually completed for Adam may not look like what we expect.
But it will use his gifts, and serve the kingdom. And my prayer is that God will use the acting out of that call for the support of our family.
I wanted you to know where we are. We are waiting. I am both worrying and hopeful. I identify with the man in Scripture: "Lord, I believe! Help thou mine unbelief!"