Saturday, April 19, 2014

Longing for the Bookish Past

Rain and wind drive up our street today. It's a bookish day. I snuggle into the couch blankets with The Plot Against Pepys, a cup of tea, and  Pomeranian.

A few paragraphs in, my mind fails to engage fully; my mind wanders. I'm not paying attention to the text. I used to read for hours when I was younger. How did I do it?

I don't read enough. My laptop distracts me, derails my activities and intentions, and occupies hours each day. It's bad. I know it's bad because hours on my laptop leave me feeling deflated, anxious, and weary.

But an hour spent sinking my thoughts into a good book leaves me feeling satisfied and calm inside. I miss that.

I don't read e-books. That's not my personal online poison. I just fiddle, flitting among Facebook, Pinterest, Google mail, the weather forecast, and my feed reader. Like a butterfly unable to settle, I go from empty flower to empty flower, hoping for a hit. After exhausting all my sources, at last I snap my computer shut. My brain is tired, bored, vacant. It hasn't been fed by the online experience; it's been sapped.

I remember thirty years ago, before personal computers of any kind, before cell phones, before my parents owned a microwave (ha!). I miss those days and don't apologize for it. Life was a slower pace, but more importantly our minds walked a slower pace and were given the luxury of time to absorb and process information. No flitting. No multi-tasking (or, multi-failing, as I've heard it called).

When I picked up The Plot Against Pepys this morning, I found it hard reading at first. The book is well-written, engaging, beautifully paced. The fault is not in the book but in my brain. I've trained it to sit lightly on the flowers I give it, to nibble a crumb from each spoonful and move on to the next. My brain is weak, unable to consume and digest meaningful volumes of text.

I'm changing that. I can't blame age, nor a busy home, nor little children, nor work. I blame myself for my habits. I won't give up my blogging or my connection with friends online, but I will control my feeding habits there. The satisfying bookishness of the past is a pleasure I will afford myself once again.

10 comments:

Mary Ann Potter said...

It takes discipline and time to re-learn actual book reading, doesn't it? I think it's partly an English teacher thing! I had go quickly through books I'd never read in order to teach them. It's a different way to read. I know how to read for pleasure again, but it took awhile to savor every word. Now I even set up a reading schedule for myself --- tv off, computer shut down, Ipad closed. It works, and I love it.

melissa said...

Well said. Very well said.

Pom Pom said...

I totally agree, MK! I moved my laptop upstairs where there is a more uncomfortable chair. I want to return to my deep reading and deep thinking.

DT said...

Splendid post, MK. Lord have mercy.

Leslie said...

Ah...we have had a few rainy days last week and they were wonderful. I find myself falling asleep though, rainy or not, when I read in the afternoons with my Mutt. :) Good thoughts, MK. The internet and personal devices are changing the way people do things, communicate, and interact with the world and I suspect it is changing the very way our brains function, too. I got a kindle for Christmas and I have to tell you....I love it. Sure makes middle of the night reading easier. I never thought I would think that and feel somewhat traitorish. However, I love SEEING a book laying around. I forget about them inside that kindle (unless I'm on a deadline like with book club books). I haven't totally gone over to the dark side.

--Rebecca said...

I experience the exact same thing, MK.
I flit around on the computer, though, because it puts me in contact with people, and I so rarely see people in my real life. But it does work against attention span and it does not refresh.
I read a book, a YA novel actually, a couple of weeks ago. I did find it engaging and I didn't want to put it down, and I came away remembering what it was like to have that relationship with a story, rather than a string of broken, partial interactions through the computer all day long. It really is a valuable experience I have missed in the last few years too. I want to read more. Let's keep encouraging each other to do so, in those times when we DO allow ourselves to be on these machines!

Kezzie said...

Do you know what? ! I SO agree with you. I still read loads but I get SO distracted by online stuff! Mostly blogger!x

Kezzie said...

Oh and a very happy Easter to you and Adam! Christ is risen, Hallelujah!x

Lisa Richards said...

AMEN AND WILD APPLAUSE!! You've described to a tee just what I feel like every day when I finally shut my computer. Where did the time go?!? You do feel empty and like you've wasted hours. I've never heard it put so well. As a single person, I do love the connection with others through my blog and with my kids through Facebook, but I do need to learn to control all of the rabbit trail chasing that consume way too much time. I've got lots of lovely books waiting to be read and I agree that they are much more satisfying than hopping from website to website. Best wishes on controlling your feeding habits. I will try to do likewise! You two dears take care. I trust Adam is minding his nurse? (That would be you!) :)

Lisa Richards said...

Oh, and have a Happy Easter!