Life is so painful sometimes. There are a handful of days in one's life that are truly horrific. The sky falls, life turns dark, the pit of one's stomach gnarls into a knot, and the pain doesn't end. The day is a crisis, a disaster.
Today was a day like that for me.
Yes, we lost the job opportunity in Mississippi. We're incredibly sad about that. The ministry there is a wonderful place, and we would have (I think) done wonderful work for them and for God's kingdom. We are crushed, disappointed, so sad.
But of course, that's not enough to put that knot in my stomach that keeps me from eating, that keeps me from sleeping, that makes me feel sick. It's the utter, evil meanness of some people out there, who think they are righteous to destroy other people's lives. Do any of you know that there really are people like that? I wish I were shocked to say there are, but I'm not.
There are those who hurt others, and those who are the repeated recipients of the hurt. If you are neither, please, please be thankful.
I do not understand why God decided, long ago, that our lives would be hard, but He did. Adam says God has given us so many trials so that others can see how we handle them, and glorify God. That is true. The pain is hard to bear. It's particularly horrible to watch it impact our children, and perhaps that's what's tearing at me this time.
I don't want to say more. But I know some of you have been following our hopes and disappointments, regarding employment. Right now, I just want to move to my parents' house, and crawl into a hole, and pull a rock over it. Later, when I've recovered, I'll crawl back out. Hopefully, it won't be long. But if I'm off-blog for a bit, you'll know I'm just recovering. Trying to help my kids back on their feet. Trying to be sure my husband is okay. I'll be back when it doesn't hurt quite so bad as it does today.