We had some really, truly horrible news yesterday. I don't care to go into details now, but suffice it to say that my husband is again unemployed. The church position which was given to him, was taken away again. Any of you who have ever been on the receiving end of ugly church politics, understand. It's very sad, and we're are: heart-broken, shocked, disappointed, anxious, a little angry. Yep -- a very bad day.
And the big, painful knot in my stomach tells me that, regardless of how I try to tell myself to relax and not stress, it's not working. My stomach always knows better.
So I'm trying something else. I'm gonna try being thankful. I'm gonna turn my eyes away from the awful truth of that bad news, and get a new perspective (at least temporarily) by thinking of the blessings I do have.
1. A wonderful marriage. Adam and I love each other more fully and more dearly now than we ever have. This is a huge gift, and one with which almost any trouble is endurable. And going through this trial together, cuts the burden in half for each of us. It's true.
2. Children -- four of them, who are healthy, bright, and generally good. I'm so thankful that they are supportive of us during times like these.
3. Homeschooling. Next year it will only be Julia, but it is a joy, and it keeps me focused on something specific and material, each day. I have her books already for next year, and it's a great comfort to me to know that, no matter where we are, or what we're doing this fall, I have her schooling in hand.
4. Beauty. When my eyes are glazed with sadness, I need to blink and clear them, and see the glory of sunshine, forests, flowers, smiles, music. Even in disaster, beauty quietly accompanies us through life.
5. Support. What a support group I have! Parents, siblings, in-laws, friends near and far. I recently had a birthday, and I had about 140 separate birthday greetings on facebook alone. That's crazy. I have friends, such friends. And they pray such prayers. I know this strengthens me, and moves God to action on our behalf.
6. A God with a Plan. What is the plan? I don't know. But how horrible it would be to live life thinking there was no plan -- just random happenings and desperate control efforts on my part. Frankly, I don't know what's going on, particularly today. But He does. If that sounds trite, I should add that we've been in this situation numerous times. God always comes through, usually in the most astounding ways.
That's all I can say for now. We're still trying to grapple with the shock we feel. Prayers are appreciated.