I wasn't planning to do this, but I want to share with you what I wrote in my journal this morning, when I first got up. The words were privately written, but God knew my heart:
"Why am I here? I have no idea why either Adam or I are here. I know it's not a divine mistake, yet still I can't shake the feeling that I've stepped onto the wrong time line, and I'm supposed to be somewhere else, working, with Adam working, ministering, doing something useful. I look around for useful things to do here, and they're few. Why would God give us nothing to do? In spite of what I know to be true, it's impossible not to be nagged by the thought that we are unacceptable, unusable, unworthy for service. Why else would He do this?"
Later, at the end of my devotional time, I read these words by Rev. Spurgeon, in Morning and Evening:
"He that watereth shall be watered also himself." (Prov. 11:25)
"We are here taught the great lesson, that to get, we must give .... In watering others, we are ourselves watered. How? Our efforts to be useful, bring out our powers for usefulness."
And then, moments later, I read these strong words from Chambers's My Utmost for His Highest:
"At the basis of Jesus Christ's Kingdom is the unaffected loveliness of the commonplace. The thing I am blessed in is my poverty. If I know I have no strength of will, no nobility of disposition, then Jesus says -- Blessed are you, because it is through this poverty that I enter His Kingdom.I cannot enter His Kingdom as a good man or woman, I can only enter it as a complete pauper." And then these words: "If I say, 'I wonder if I am of any use,' I instantly lose the bloom of the touch of the Lord."
Both men focus on the godliness of humility, real humility that does not esteem oneself to be valuable and necessary, and that doesn't see one's inactivity as a waste to mankind. It is hard to wait, to be inactive, to have little to do. I'm sure God has in mind for me to be doing something with this time; I hope I find out. It must involve resting or thinking or musing or waiting. But perhaps I should stop wondering why our talents are not being used. Clearly that is the wrong attitude to have. If they're not being used right now, it's because God doesn't need them. Good reminders, and I am repeatedly amazed and grateful at how God guides my daily readings so that my mind is informed to follow Him aright. These additional readings were no coincidence.